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stargate, DanielJackson

LCI: Week 4: Title: And if it hurts, we're doing it to ourselves

Posted on 2014.10.21 at 22:34
Tags: ,

His brothers laugh raucously, passing big bowls of food between them. Camo sits silently at the far corner of the table, curled up small in his seat, taking as little food as he can. He hopes to leave the platters seeming untouched, leaving his presence as invisible, lacking and ignored as he deserves to be. His brothers are well-muscled, brave, proud alphas. He’s an omega, he’s unworthy. His father has made his scorn of him well known and Camo tries to have as little impact on the man as possible, in the hopes that he’ll be deemed more acceptable if he’s unseen. Camo knows it’s a foolish hope, he has been a blight for too long.

Celebration of a recent victory takes place and a new thought occurs to him. His father often praises his brothers’ battles, their willingness to overcome any wounds or injuries to fight. And he thinks, maybe, if he shows father that he too can take pain that he will seem less like the pathetic creature he is. So he coils up his string-like limbs and vows to endure.

Battles aren’t an option for him. Omegas fighting their betters is unacceptable. It seems best to do what he always has, he goes without. So Camo reduces his meagre food portions even further.

His teeth ache. There’s a pang in his too-empty stomach. He desperately tries to quiet the low rumble it makes. But he doesn’t eat more as he usually would (if only to quiet his rebellious insides).



*


His stringy arms grow more stick-like, he feels uneasy, weaker.

It’s not enough.

Then one day he’s walking home from school and he sees it through the shop window: the collar. His lunch money, unused as always, is heavy in his pocket. He enters the store in an apparent trance, drifting towards the stand where it sits. This isn’t just any collar. Camo places his fingers against the cold, dark blue, leather delicately, lifting it. Then moves his index finger to, very gently, press against one of the tiny spikes lining the inside. It’s sharp but not too sharp. He’s heard of these, sometimes alphas make their omegas where them; as a punishment.

It seems like just the punishment he needs; a kind to make him less unworthy.

He’s worried the man at the till will refuse to sell the collar to him and tries his best to make himself and his purchase seem insignificant. But the man only gives him a bored look and rings up the sale.


*


Once home he reverently places the collar around his neck, holding it as tight as it will go before buckling it closed. The spikes poke painfully into his neck, he doesn’t enjoy the sensation in the way he’s heard some omegas do- but he knows that’s good. This is supposed to feel bad.

As he moves it scratches at his skin, jarring. He imagines there must be a few beads of blood springing up between his nape and the collar. He leaves it on.


*


His breaths feel shallower. Lack of food already has him light-headed and the added constriction makes him dizzy. He takes small deliberate steps, the worst thing would be to be noticed now; failing to stay strong through the struggle.

He’s horrified when his oldest brother, Dray, ushers him into another room.

“What are you doing? Are you trying to suffocate yourself?” Dray snaps as soon as they’re alone.

Camo sees his brother’s fingers reach to undo the collar and he shies away, fingers wrapping around the collar protectively.

“It’s fine. I deserve this,” Camo insists, giving Dray an imploring look, pleading for him to understand, to see.

Dray deflates, falling into a chair. He looks so sad, Camo can’t stand having made him look so sad; he’s not supposed to have any effect, any bearing. He’s not supposed to exist. Not in this strong alpha family. And now he’s messing it all up.

“Come here,” Dray asks softly.

Camo knows he doesn’t deserve to be held, but goes if only to remove that expression from his brother’s face, settling into the elder boy’s lap.

“I’m sorry, for letting father seed so many lies in your head. I know you will not believe this, but I must say it because it’s the truth; you are a good person and are deserving of good things.”

He hides his outrage and confusion and answers, “Really?”

“Yes, really. You deserve so much better than what you’ve gotten.”

Camo removes the collar. Dray gives him a dry smile.


*


Camo hides the collar in its box, taking it out when he’s alone, fingering the leather, pressing down on the spikes.

His brother thinks he’s broken, he’s wrong and Camo must prove it to him.

There will be time for punishment after.


Comments:


☾
witches at 2014-10-22 12:45 (UTC) (Link)
i absolutely love the style and atmosphere here!
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2014-10-22 15:13 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked it :)
kick_galvanic, zagzagael, skull_theatre
bleodswean at 2014-10-22 19:40 (UTC) (Link)
So sad. And so metaphorical! Nice internalizations.
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2014-10-22 19:46 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked the internalisations :)
n3m3sis43
n3m3sis43 at 2014-10-22 22:53 (UTC) (Link)
Poor kiddo. My heart broke for him.
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2014-10-23 10:05 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah *hugs him*

Thanks :)
dmousey
dmousey at 2014-10-23 17:03 (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad he has at least one brother looking out for him. Poor dude.

Thanks for penning!
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2014-10-23 17:48 (UTC) (Link)


Thank you :)
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