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stargate, DanielJackson

Fic; Are you the doctor?

Posted on 2015.10.18 at 12:47
Title: Are you the doctor?
Fandom: Doctor Who
Word Count: 625
Summary: In all the universes, in all the time streams, there must be one which breaks him
AN: I actually wrote this before I saw last nights episode with all its tidal wave talk, which is weird.

There’s a man curled up on the floor, in the corner of a padded cell, rambling nonsense at himself. The man may be me, or he maybe you, he may be someone else entirely. Or maybe he is us, all of us; an incarnation of what will come to pass, only waiting for the right time stream. This is an ending. There’s no story here. Only stagnation. No one wants to hear about the one where the man fell down and never got back up and yet had the temerity not to die. They call you weak.

You stood up all those times before. You were weak then. You stay here now, unmoving. You are weak now. If you dare to stand alone, you are weak. If you dare to stand together with someone, you are weak. They call you weak always. Or maybe that’s wrong. You call yourself weak always, secretly, deep down inside. You have secrets. You have a name you gave yourself. Are you weak for having a past? Are you weak for having lived too long and burned too harshly? Are you weak for staying still after all this time? Are you not due a rest?

There’s a figure by the door. You ask, are you The Doctor? He would be an incarnation you don’t remember, or maybe one you just regret. There’s a figure in your mirror. You ask, are you The Doctor? You would be an incarnation you don’t remember, or maybe one just yet to come.

There’s a figure inside the room. Are you The Companion? You ask. Maybe they are here to save you.


No one wants to hear the story of when The Doctor fell down and couldn’t get back up. The universe is too weak to bear it.

They focus too much on weakness. They miss the point entirely: compassion, mercy, love.

You lived. You danced in the fire. You burned so brightly. You changed worlds. You changed universes. You changed time itself.

You saved people. You destroyed people. You are not a hero.

One of the figures by your door is time. She’s not flesh but you can tell she’s bleeding. She kisses you on the mouth. She’s not flesh but she manages it somehow.


You want to hear the story now. You are curious. You want to hear about the part before the stagnancy. Do I bore you like this? A madman rambling at himself?
Do you find me weak or unbecoming of what I once was? You miss the point. Or maybe I’m just crazy.

One day you see. You must save them. You mess too much with your time stream. You save them because you love them too much to not. You burn more than your wings. You see it all.

(You suspected before of course, you never see any other Time Lords. You should, during their existence in this universe they travelled to the future. Yes, yes, all of time and space is vast, but there is no one here, not at all. You thought maybe the futures they travelled to no longer existed. You didn’t know.)

You see all the pasts you created, all the pasts you destroyed, all the futures you created, all the futures you destroyed. Your moves were too vast, too world-changing. Each wave wipes out its predecessor, footprints in the sand.

Until Daleks are no longer Daleks. Until Time Lords are no longer Time Lords. What does it mean when you create a world where Daleks are capable of mercy?

You are not a mere ripple. You move and the oceans quake. The entire past is different. The entire future different. Every single time. You changed too much too often. 

You undid yourself.


bleodswean at 2015-10-18 15:46 (UTC) (Link)
*thunk* J, this is GORGEOUS!!! Poetic, lyrical, and so deeply thought-provoking. This seems to be a new style for you and it's working. The second section is wonderfully done!
swirlsofblue at 2015-10-19 16:50 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much, it means so much to me that you found this poetic and lyrical and thought-provoking, especially as poetic and lyrical aren't usually strengths of mine. Yay for new style working! :)
Direst Ryl
ryl at 2015-10-19 12:46 (UTC) (Link)
This captures every single incarnation of the Doctor perfectly, especially his "flaw" of caring too much.

A world where Daleks are capable of mercy would break my brain. I still can't figure out a world where you can't defeat them just by running up a flight of stairs.
swirlsofblue at 2015-10-19 16:55 (UTC) (Link)
Ooh, thank you muchly, so glad to hear it captured The Doctor's incarnations well :).

It is a bizarre thought, but there has to be a reality somewhere ;).
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