Log in

No account? Create an account
December 2018   01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
stargate, DanielJackson

Week 19, Title: Said one word to me and that was 'dead'

Posted on 2017.05.26 at 20:11
Tags: ,



The knock on the door comes a little after sunset.

Pippa sighs upon seeing who it is. “You shouldn’t be here.”

Jacob nods. “I know. I’m sorry. I had to see you. I missed you.”

“I’m not inviting you in.”

“Then I’ll wait out here.”

Pippa walks away from the open door. “I need a cigarette.”


The moon is high in the sky, bright. He’s on the ground, leaning against the invisible barrier preventing his entry.

“Why are you still here?” Pippa asks.

“I need you. I can’t go on without you.”

Pippa slowly sits on the floor, crossing her legs. “Well, it seems you have to.”

“No. I don’t.”

“Still as arrogant as ever. Do you really think you can convince me to do this again?”

“Maybe. You haven’t closed the door. Anyway, that’s not what I meant…sunrise is in a few hours.”

“You’re threatening to kill yourself.”

“No. I think I can convince you to invite me in.”


There are blue tinges on the horizon, diluting the inky blackness.

He makes unseen pictures on the barrier with his finger. She drinks peppermint tea.

“You need to leave. The sun will be rising soon.”

“I’m not leaving. I don’t want to live my life without you. My fate is in your hands.”

“No. Fuck you. You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to make me a killer. And you don’t get to blackmail me into letting you in.”

“You still haven’t closed the door.”  

“Leave. Now.”

“There’s no blood on your hands. This is my choice. I don’t think you’ll leave me out here. But if you do, maybe I deserve what’s coming.”

“Do you think I want you to die? I don’t want you to die. But I don’t want you in here either. I can’t do this again. Don’t sugar-coat. This, what you’re doing here, is violence- pure and simple.”

“I’m not leaving.”


The sky is pink. Light spills out into the road.

“Come in.”  



He trails kisses along her neck, fangs nipping at her skin. Pippa shivers at the bite, his tongue sliding over blood.

She gasps as his teeth sink too harshly, tearing at her. She pushes him away. He’s unmoving. Drinking too deeply, entranced.

“Stop, you have to stop.”

Jacob doesn’t respond- his teeth entrenched. She feels dizzy, disoriented, torn open and laid bare.

“Let go! Stop! Get off!” Pippa screams.

Jacob blinks. And then jerks back in horror. “Oh my God. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened, I lost control, sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

Pippa runs at the front door, flings it open flooding the room in light. He runs deep into the room, where the shadows are. She stands in the open doorway, bathed in sunshine.

Jacob reaches out to her, fingertips play at the edges of light, “I am sorry.”

“I know you are. You always are. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep letting you pull me back,” Pippa’s fingers tap on the door, “I should leave.”

Jacob smiles, sadly. “I suppose you should.”

Her fingers swing the door gently, a few degrees towards open, a few degrees towards closed. “You need to get some help.”

“Probably. You’re still here.”

“I’m not staying.”

“Let’s just give ourselves some time. Think things through…I can get better. I can be better.”

“This is over. Goodbye Jacob.”

His arm lurches out, unheeding the sun’s rays, his hand mottles red and black, he catches her wrist, angry now, “You can’t just leave.”

Pippa sharply pulls her arm away. “I’m starting over. I’m going to find a new place, somewhere else. And I’m never going to invite you in.”


bleodswean at 2017-05-26 23:31 (UTC) (Link)
YES!!! Your dialogue is so strong here and you've done a superb job of telling the story with conversation....and you had me guessing and guessing and guessing how it would end! That's a dastardly clever gift - to be able to keep your readers from not figuring out your story before you reveal it!

Great work!
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-27 10:14 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, so glad you liked the dialogue and that it kept you guessing :)
dmousey at 2017-05-26 23:58 (UTC) (Link)
I love the atmosphere you've created here. And the slanted take on vamps. I almost feel sorry for Jacob. Hugs and peace~~~
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-27 10:14 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked the atmosphere and take on vamps :)
i_17bingo at 2017-05-27 13:09 (UTC) (Link)
I'm a sucker for a good vampire tale that's not about violence and gore (don't get me wrong, I love violence and gore, just not always), but rather a story of loss and humanity. I loved this entry.
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-27 17:17 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked the way I did the vampire tale :)
rayaso at 2017-05-27 16:13 (UTC) (Link)
Very interesting, with great dialog. It emphasizes the abusive/controlling nature of the vampire/victim relationship. Really well done!
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-27 17:18 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked the dialogue, that was what I was trying for so glad it worked :).
devilz_workshop at 2017-05-29 12:24 (UTC) (Link)
Well done. There is so much drama in these dialogues. Glad Pippa could walk away from the strained relation.
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-29 13:30 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked the dialogue :)
penpusher at 2017-05-29 19:22 (UTC) (Link)
The game of Emotional Blackmail, played by a vampire! I think that's not fair! Either way he wins, and he knows it.
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-30 16:20 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you :). Yeah, I think generally vampire relationships, especially in recent media, are unfair more-so than said media would often admit.
favoritebean at 2017-05-30 07:40 (UTC) (Link)
Good for Pippa, standing up for herself.
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-30 16:20 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you :)
Direst Ryl
ryl at 2017-05-30 17:14 (UTC) (Link)
So she says. Seems to me that Jacob is a master manipulator and knows exactly how to get past Pippa's defenses. She'd better watch herself; vampires are good at the long game.
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-30 17:17 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you :). Oh yeah definitely
beeker121 at 2017-05-31 00:14 (UTC) (Link)
This is a wonderful story of an uneven relationship. I hope Pippa is able to follow through, but she hasn't yet despite opportunities. You manage to make Jacob not entirely a villain which is impressive.
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-31 16:32 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked it :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
halfshellvenus at 2017-05-31 00:17 (UTC) (Link)
I had decided Jacob was probably a vampire, but I liked how this reflected almost any relationship where one person is too needy and demanding and the other needs to break away for their own health/safety/sanity.

Jacob could surely find other victims, but it's the fact that he loves Pippa that keeps him from wanting to. And you succeeded in making me feel bad for him even as he is trying to force Pippa to make the harsh choice rather than leave on his own.
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-31 16:35 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked the way it reflected other unhealthy relationships, I was hoping that would come across :).

Edited at 2017-05-31 04:35 pm (UTC)
Teo Says
eternal_ot at 2017-05-31 11:01 (UTC) (Link)
The duality of this really worked for me. The dialogues are well written and actually make you see both sides of the story making you feel sorry for both of them. Great job!
swirlsofblue at 2017-05-31 16:35 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, so glad you liked the duality and dialogues :).
lolaslaughter at 2017-06-01 02:59 (UTC) (Link)
I loved the dialogue in this so much!! I got so caught up in their lives. I really enjoyed the push and pull of their relationship. The wanting of something that really isn't healthy for you but it feels too good to let go of. This was a great read!! ❤️❤️
swirlsofblue at 2017-06-01 17:16 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, so glad you liked the dialogue :)
flipflop_diva at 2017-06-01 22:17 (UTC) (Link)
This was amazing! I did not see that coming. I loved the beginning, when I thought it was a romance gone bad, but I really loved the vampire twist. Awesome job!
swirlsofblue at 2017-06-02 16:56 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, so glad you liked the twist :)
murielle at 2017-06-01 23:30 (UTC) (Link)
Ah, so beautiful, so tragic! Can she leave? Can he control himself? So many questions.

The writing is lush. Brava!
swirlsofblue at 2017-06-02 16:58 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, so glad you found it beautiful :)
encrefloue at 2017-06-02 00:50 (UTC) (Link)
Such a perfect analogy for a situation that unfortunately too many people find themselves in. Great use of structure, too!
swirlsofblue at 2017-06-02 16:59 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked the analogy :)
Previous Entry  Next Entry