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stargate, DanielJackson

week 9, Title: Sucker punch

Posted on 2018.12.16 at 18:31
Tags: ,
“You can do whatever you want to me,” he says, “It doesn’t matter.”

The words hit her hard and for several moments the world loses all cohesion. She can’t breathe. She wants to scream. Who did this to you? Who hurt you? Who made you think it was okay for people to hurt you? But he’s just looking at her with confusion. As though the words aren’t dark and cold and bloody, as if the words are just a simple statement of facts.

She takes one step and two and three and takes him into her arms and just holds him.

*

“We need to talk about consent,” she says.

Shock blooms onto his face. “Okay…did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No. You’re always very good at making sure everything’s okay,” she says. He has always been overly careful of ensuring she wanted what was happening. And she’s not entirely sure how he could be so oblivious to his own needs.

“Okay so…”

“Have you ever said no to sex?”

He smirks. “Why would I say no to sex. Sex is awesome.”

“And you’re always up for it? Even if you’re exhausted?”

He shrugs. And she can tell there’s more there, she rests a hand on his thigh; gentle, encouraging, imploring.

“It’s not a big deal. I just know that I’m not much of a catch, and if I want someone to stay, then I have to please them, I have to do what they want. Or they’ll realise I’m not worth it and they’ll leave. It’s not a big deal though, it’s not like anyone was forcing me into anything.”

“If someone threatened to leave if you didn’t…”

“No. It was nothing like that. It’s just my ex, she was amazing and she was so much better than me and she would tell me that and say I was lucky to have her and it was true. And she would say I had to be worthy of her. I had to earn her love.”

Her stomach feels like it’s hollowed out and she’s falling and falling and falling. “She sounds like a manipulative asshole.”

“It wasn’t like that. Anyway, you’re so much more amazing than she was. And I love you so much. And I don’t want you to leave. I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me. And I’m never going to leave just because you tell me no.”

“Okay,” he says, but she’s not sure he believes it.

“Have I ever done anything you were uncomfortable with?" She asks.

“What? No! Never!”

“Okay. Promise you will tell me if I do?”

He squirms. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It really is.”

He sighs, looking at her almost forlorn, “I promise.”   

Comments:


𝔅𝔢𝔩𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔯𝔦𝔵
bellatrix at 2018-12-18 06:01 (UTC) (Link)
Very powerful subject, really well written and a great take on this topic. I like that it shows how damaging emotional abuse is too. A lot of people write it off, but it can have devastating impacts at times, especially something like systematically telling someone they are unworthy of you and breaking down their self-esteem.
I liked that in this story the person who went through it was a man. I think mens' mental health and the abuse they deal with in relationships too, definitely needs more attention. Unfortunately a lot of people still seem to think it's shameful or means something like "they're not real men" etc. when men admit they were abused D:

Edited at 2018-12-18 06:02 am (UTC)
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2018-12-18 18:47 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked my take on the topic :).

Yeah, I agree, I think so often the impact of emotional abuse is downplayed.
Teo Says
eternal_ot at 2018-12-18 12:58 (UTC) (Link)
Oh wow! I loved what you did here. Talking about a topic which is so difficult to express. Well done!
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2018-12-18 18:45 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you liked what I did :).
tatdatcm
tatdatcm at 2018-12-18 19:30 (UTC) (Link)
Well done. There's always so much focus on the abuse of women that abused men get ignored, or worse made to feel like their situation is invalidated. It's tragic.
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2018-12-18 19:45 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you :).

Yeah, it is terrible there needs to be far more support for abused men.
dmousey
dmousey at 2018-12-19 01:20 (UTC) (Link)
A conversation that is never easy, and some couples never do have. Such a tough subject, written quite beautifully. Thank you.
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2018-12-19 18:53 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you :)
bleodswean
bleodswean at 2018-12-19 16:52 (UTC) (Link)
It's nice to have an alternative view in these modern times. Great use of dialogue here.
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2018-12-19 18:53 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you :)
Murielle
murielle at 2018-12-20 07:12 (UTC) (Link)
This is such a poignant piece. Although the subject is about abuse it is dealt with in such a tender loving way. Beautiful writing
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2018-12-20 18:41 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, glad you found it poignant :).
fall down. get dirty.
static_abyss at 2018-12-20 21:40 (UTC) (Link)
You handled the topic of your entry with understanding and care. Thank you for this piece.
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2018-12-21 17:21 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you :)
darkdreams1222
dreamsofspike at 2018-12-22 17:46 (UTC) (Link)
This is really incredible. Beautifully written with a unique twist/perspective on this issue. Love how gentle and considerate she was of his feelings, and how he just assumed that it was okay, the way he'd been treated and the things he thought he had to accept, just because it had always been that way... heartbreaking... beautiful writing as I've come to always expect from you <3 <3 <3
swirlsofblue
swirlsofblue at 2018-12-23 10:40 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much, this is such a lovely comment <3.

I'm so glad you enjoy my writing. Especially as I've enjoyed reading your writing too so much over the years. You know what I realised just now, it's been over ten years, that's so weird to think of.
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